A Moment of Star Wars
A moment, please for Owen Lars, the most unfortunate bastard in the Star Wars galaxy.
One fine day, you're on Tatooine, minding you're own business when some so-called "Jedi Knight" comes out of nowhere with this tale about how 10 years ago your step-mother (who you barely cared enough to look for after she disappeared) and a band of misfits freed your previously unheard of step-brother from slavery with some insane gamble on the local suicide races so he could go fulfill some prophesy. Next thing you know, he's off in the deset committing genocide, and then he bounces, never to be heard from again.
A few years later, some other dude you haven't met before shows up and tells you that your crazy, estranged, cerial-killer step-brother concieved a child with that girl he was with, but then she died because she lost the will to live, and he fell into a volcano. And then he tells you that you need to take care of this incredibly important child whose name is Luke Skywalker, which you can't change to Lars (despite the fact that nobody had any problem changing Leia's last name) because, you know, REASONS!
You're just some lowly moisture farmer. WHAT THE FUCK YOU GONNA DO WITH A BABY? Well, like a dumb bastard, you let your heart get the better of you and take it away from the crazy dude figuring that you've gotta be a better dad than that asshat.
Flash forward eighteen years or so, and this kid is all over you for money to go to some expensive college where all his friends are, and you're thinking, "I still need six more droids just to keep myself afloat, and this kid wants tuition!? Crap, didn't his so-called 'Knight' dad have any money!?" That lazy bastard barely pulls his weight, spending most of his time down at the station with his dopehead friends.
Well, one morning you wake up, and that bastard's gone with 2 of your droids and you're ready to stick your foot so far up his ass, but then you hear it. The distinct sound of a plastic army marching, and you turn around just in time to see your wife come out of the house and get incinerated by Storm Troopers before the same fate befalls you.
This is the life of Owen Lars, the most unfortunate bastard in the Star Wars Galaxy.
